Photo: Liang Sen Xinhua/eyevine/Redux
The combination of FIFA’s bottomless greed and America’s current authoritarian-lite atmosphere was always going to make for a strange World Cup this year. (Sorry, co-hosts Mexico and Canada, it’s not your fault.) Even so, the degree of avarice and hostility in the run-up to the tournament exceeded most people’s worst expectations.
First, a dose of positivity: The U.S. team’s spectacular win over Paraguay on Friday was a joy to watch, and now that the World Cup is reaching full swing, everything the Trump administration and soccer’s governing body have done to hijack the world’s most egalitarian sport is being shoved into the background. Even before the U.S. win, it wasn’t all doom and gloom, despite FIFA’s and the president’s best attempts. There have been genuinely endearing stories of foreigners visiting a Buc-ee’s, trying ranch dressing or experiencing tailgating for the first time, or seeing the folks of Lawrence, Kansas become huge Algeria fans — some of the best little things about America.
But a true hater won’t let things go that easily. As the low-stakes, 17-day first round continues, and in honor of the older, better World Cup format (32 teams versus a now-bloated 48), here are 32 reasons why this World Cup is much more of a drag than it had to be.
History in the making: This is the first World Cup where a host nation is currently at war with one of the participants. On Wednesday, President Trump bombed Iran, and though a peace deal may (finally) be around the corner, he may also let loose on the country once more. Remember this next time you hear someone say on TV that soccer unites the world.
The U.S. also isn’t missing an opportunity to harass Iran’s national soccer team. Though Iran’s games take place in Los Angeles and Seattle, they had to move their training camp from Arizona to Tijuana, Mexico, for safety and visa reasons. The U.S. also refused to issue visas to several Iranian team staff and recently revoked the team’s entire ticket allocation for its fans.
The lavish hospitality continued at our nation’s airports last weekend, as U.S. officials denied entry to a referee from Somalia and numerous media members from African nations; detained an Iraqi forward for seven hours at the airport; and kept the Senegal and Turkey teams sitting in chairs on the tarmac while frisking them and inspecting their bags. If the U.S. team were treated this way abroad, we’d go to war (again). FIFA’s response to everyone complaining about the U.S.’s treatment of foreign players, officials and fans? “Chill, relax.”
There were hopes that ticket prices would come down dramatically as the games approached — and they have on gamedays — but the average remains above $500 even for low-demand matches (like, say, the mouthwatering clash between Switzerland and Qatar). And if you want to go to the final? Don’t even ask.
Okay, then: The final’s ticket prices are averaging $10,000–$15,000, with some VIP sections going for $3.2 million. You know things are bad when Trump makes sense: Even he thought $1,000 tickets to the United States’ opening match, on Friday against Paraguay, were too high. “I wouldn’t pay it either, to be honest with you,” he said last month.
Host cities are on the hook to cover millions of dollars in expenses. This is the first World Cup for which there is no organizing committee, which means host cities aren’t represented collectively and have to sign contracts agreeing to bear most of the costs, for everything from public safety to fan festivals. Meanwhile, cities can’t make any sponsorship agreements that come close to conflicting with FIFA’s own massive deals, and FIFA naturally won’t be sharing the wealth.
Never mind that halftime shows are not a thing in soccer, or that the halftime of the most important soccer game on the planet will be longer than usual to accommodate Shakira, Madonna, and BTS performances, which increases the likelihood of player injury due to the extended cooldown time. The important thing is that Coldplay is a depressingly perfect analog for FIFA’s bland notion of global unity.
There’s no way to sugarcoat this: Trump will be very visible throughout the tournament, including the final. Trump, a man who likes shiny, gold things more than most babies do, is confirmed to be presenting the trophy to the winners on July 19. And in December, the “soccer president” was awarded the not-at-all-made-up “FIFA Peace Prize” by FIFA’s obsequious president, Gianni Infantino, as a consolation prize for Trump’s Nobel snub — shortly before Trump ordered an invasion of Venezuela and the bombing of Iran.
Don’t worry, though: In yet another bold display of humanitarian rights that puts Amnesty International to shame, FIFA has required all uniforms to feature a “Unite for Peace” patch on the sleeve. That should even things out.
Unlike some recent World Cup hosts, like the human-rights havens of Russia and Qatar, America doesn’t seem too interested in putting on a nice face for the world. Trump’s draconian immigration crackdown goes against the World Cup’s founding ideals of togetherness and peace, yet his administration is placing it front and center: The Department of Homeland Security has announced that ICE will be at the tournament every day (though its specific role remains unclear).
The early days of the tournament will be less consequential than ever. With the big leap from 32 to 48 teams this year, there will be no “group of death” as in previous tournaments. And the new format means 66 percent of teams qualify for the knockout round — in other words, it will take 72 matches to eliminate 16 teams. FIFA has made an entire round of the World Cup carry only slightly more stakes than a Savannah Bananas game.
With 340 hours of Fox programming (100 more than in 2022), brace yourself for more of Alexi Lalas, American soccer’s enthusiastic provocateur whom most soccer fans love to hate (a sentiment that Lalas seems to love).
After FIFA spent months bragging about the unprecedented demand for its supposedly dynamically priced tickets, it appears as if entire sections of unsold tickets for low-demand games were quietly dumped onto the resale market at slightly lower prices — by FIFA. (Using the secondary market allows FIFA to avoid any consumers’ demand for refunds.) Surprisingly, there was limited demand for overpriced tickets to see Saudi Arabia take on Cape Verde in Houston.
In an act of mistaken generosity, FIFA gave away 60 tickets for free last week due to a website glitch. When it realized its error, it canceled the transactions but was kind enough to hold the tickets for the original buyers if they paid face value.
It’s not just the ticket prices, though. FIFA has been accused of issuing tickets to its buyers in worse sections than the ones they originally paid for. This is such a widespread phenomenon that several state attorneys general have launched investigations.
Souvenir companies are getting in on the price gouging. What better way to remember this World Cup than with the Panini Noir Road to the World Cup 2026 trading-card box set … yours for only $2,299.95!
The World Cup was supposed to mean boom times for cities, but the American Hotel and Lodging Association has been warning for the past month that bookings are far below expectations. Hoteliers in four cities described the tournament as a “nonevent.”
Oh, and many of the hotel rooms that were actually reserved were booked by FIFA — which blocked out tens of thousands of rooms in the name of “operational needs” (creating artificial scarcity) before canceling them, leaving hotels scrambling to fill even more empty beds.
With more than 50 percent of games taking place during the day (to accommodate a global audience in different time zones), the weather for games in many outdoor stadiums is forecasted to be, to use a meteorological phrase, hot as hell.
Don’t worry, though, FIFA has things covered: It’s implemented one water break each half in the name of player safety. When the tournament kicked off on Thursday, fans realized what had happened: By turning these “hydration breaks” into cutaway commercials, FIFA has, without really announcing it, turned a game of two halves into a game of four quarters — and utterly transformed not only the pace and flow of soccer itself, along with rules that have been in place since 1897, but the viewing experience as well. Fans are not pleased, to say the very least.
Cooling off for the fans won’t be easy or cheap. (Would you think otherwise?) FIFA initially banned fans from bringing personal water bottles to the matches — this is soccer, after all, and its fans have a habit of throwing things at players, officials, and one another. Following backlash, FIFA reversed course and is now allowing fans the privilege of taking 20 ounces of soft, sealed, disposable water-bottle refreshment with them. Anything else, of course, will be marked up at a premium.
Many stadiums are not allowed to use their own parking lots for the World Cup. And as you’ve no doubt heard, host cities, aiming to recoup some of the millions of dollars of outlay required, have gotten in on the moneymaking action. New Jersey Transit is hiking round-trip prices to MetLife Stadium on match days to $98. (These prices are actually slashed, following significant backlash, from an original price of $150.) And the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority will take you to and from the game for $80 instead of the usual $20.
Heading to Mexico to catch a game for a more reasonable price? The State Department and others are advising caution to spectators in Mexico among elevated threats of homicide, kidnapping, carjacking, sexual assault, and robbery. Not to worry, though: Monterrey’s police department has things covered; it’s using robotic dogs to patrol the streets surrounding the stadium.
Iran’s team has it rough, but they’re not the only ones. An Ebola outbreak in the Democratic Republic of Congo forced its team to quarantine for 21 days outside of their nation before entering the U.S. (where the virus was last seen at a bowling alley in Williamsburg).
FIFA put out an 18-song album of official World Cup songs by the likes of Shakira, Future, and Daddy Yankee. They are all terrible. So bad, in fact, that several AI-generated songs created by fans have gotten more attention. Like this one about the French team, “Imbattables.” Or this one, “Portugal Invictos.” Ubiquitous YouTuber IShowSpeed came up with his own anthem; “Champions” is the best of the lot so far, which tells you how bleak the whole enterprise is.
Haiti’s team was ordered to alter their uniforms three days before their first match, because the team’s jersey shirt featured an image from the country’s battle for independence (which took place 223 years ago). Did we mention that the host country of this event is bombing one of the participants?
Iran’s tournament gets even more eventful on June 26 when they take on Egypt. Long before the draw was revealed, Seattle’s local organizing committee designated the game taking place on this date as the “Pride Match,” and it will feature LGBTQ+ festivities beforehand. It is now hosting two of the most hostile nations toward gay rights in the entire tournament.
Scientists crunched the numbers and determined that the greenhouse gases generated by this World Cup will be double the average of the past four tournaments due to the expansion to 48 teams and all the additional travel. It will end up as one of the most polluting events on earth — ever.
Perhaps it’s not surprising that the U.S., still on its way to becoming a soccer country, has such lousy crowd chants. “I believe that we will win” is long in the tooth at this point, and American soccer heads loathe it, but nothing else has really caught on. For his part, Coach Pochettino was feeling some Ted Lasso vibes and got the crowd started on that jingoistic classic “U-S-A! U-S-A!” chant at an open practice this week … with mixed success.
Player abuse by fans is so constant these days — another societal perk of legalized gambling — that FIFA is implementing AI software for the World Cup claiming to filter out racist, homophobic, or misogynistic social-media messages toward players.
This World Cup of excess features three mascots, one for each country. The U.S. version, a smiley, gender-neutral bald eagle named Clutch, seems just a bit inconsistent with the tenor of the moment. Per FIFA marketing, Clutch “soars across the United States embracing every culture … Clutch unites people wherever they go.” Sure, okay. (These things aren’t totally useless, though: Clutch actually helped in a drug bust in Peru last week.)
In four more years, all this will look like nothing, because FIFA is just getting started. As if a World Cup taking place throughout an entire continent weren’t enough, in 2030 the World Cup will be played across three of them: South America, Europe, and Africa. Imagine all the air miles, all the price-gouging opportunities, all the sponsorship possibilities. It’s a dream come true — for FIFA. The rest of us can just cross our fingers that Coldplay will be a part of that one, too.
